


Left For D(e)ad

by MerakiMela



Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: Be Careful What You Wish For, M/M, Sitcom, What-If, au where vlad loved jack instead of maddie, stuck in a tv show, the monkey's paw trope, twisted wish fulfilment
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:06:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24656557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerakiMela/pseuds/MerakiMela
Summary: What if Vlad had been in love with Jack instead of Maddie? How different would things have turned out? Thanks to the mischievous magic of a new ghost, Vlad and Danny are forced to watch an alternate reality in which this is the case. They'll have to work together to escape this weird world, but how?
Relationships: Danny Fenton & Vlad Masters, Jack Fenton/Maddie Fenton, Vlad Masters/Jack Fenton, Vlad Masters/Maddie Fenton (one sided)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 85





	1. We have a situation(al comedy)

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a joke idea I had when I realised the potential it had. It's still pretty silly, so I hope you enjoy it!

Danny woke with a groan, immediately pressing a hand against his painful, throbbing temple. He could remember getting hit by… something, but couldn’t remember where or why. Sitting up and opening his eyes, he looked around to discover that he was sitting in Vlad’s kitchen. But for some reason, everything looked strange, as if an old timey film filter had been placed over his vision. After rubbing his eyes and checking again, he was disappointed to find his vision hadn’t improved. A noise drew his attention to Vlad standing in front of the stove with his back to Danny. It was all starting to make sense.

“Hey, Fruitloop! What did you do to me?” Danny called out with an irritated tone. Annoyingly enough, Vlad ignored him and continued to focus on whatever he was doing with the stove.

“Hey! Don’t ignore me! What did you do?!” Danny growled, stumbling to his feet and staggering over to the villain. He went to grab him and turn him around, but found his hand passing through the man’s shoulder.

“I wouldn’t bother, badger. He can’t see or hear us. I already tried.” Danny whipped around to find Vlad leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed, wearing an annoyed expression. Not surprised to see double Vlads, but surprised that it hadn’t been Vlad’s doing by the sound of it, Danny glanced back to the Vlad in front of the stove and took in more detail about the man. Instead of the usual villainy suit that the Vlad in the doorway wore, this Vlad was wearing an over-sized sweater and smart-casual jeans with a pair of house slippers. The man was smiling as he focused on cooking the beef patties in the frying pan.

“What the hell?” Danny thought out loud, eyes widening in confusion at the seemingly domesticated Vlad.

“Ugh, I know. I’d never wear something so dishevelled and untailored.” The Vlad in the doorway groaned. Before Danny could laugh at his reaction, the sound of music filled the air that seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere at once.

_“With a second chance at life,  
and a second chance at love,  
nothing could keep them apart.  
Even though they butt heads,  
with each other and their son,  
nothing is stronger than the heart.  
What adventures await,  
For Jack and Vlad?  
You can never be sure when you’re  
Left For D(e)ad!”_

Before either of them could question the upbeat music and the weird singing, the pair quickly became startled by the sound of polite, yet excited applause.

 ** _“Left For D(e)ad is filmed in front of an undead studio audience!”_** Spoke a disembodied voice over the sound of the clapping. Danny exchanged a confused and concerned look with Vlad, who had made his way over to Danny.

“I don’t like this, Daniel.” Vlad commented softly, tugging Danny away from his casual doppelganger and towards the furthest corner of the kitchen. Danny wriggled out of his grip, but chose to stay next to him as he figured his caution was the best move for the situation. Across the kitchen, the house-trained Vlad was humming to himself as he worked on the food, oblivious to the intruders and to all the previous sounds. After a few seconds of nothing happening, suddenly the door leading to the kitchen opposite the doorway the real Vlad came through burst open, revealing a very excited Jack.

“Vladdy! I’m hooome!” Jack belted cheerfully, causing the invisible “audience” to laugh and cheer. As the fake Vlad and seemingly fake Jack paused to let the laughter run its course and the real Vlad swore under his breath in confusion, the gears in Danny’s mind began turning.

“Vlad, I think this is a sitcom.” Danny stated, before watching the puzzle pieces fall into place in Vlad’s mind.

“But… why?” Danny was about to tell Vlad he had no clue, but stopped himself when he heard the cheering die down and turned his focus back onto the scene in front of him. Fake Vlad was regarding fake Jack with an annoyed but fond look.

“If you’re any louder dear, you’ll wake the dead!” Fake Vlad scolded lightly. With perfect comedic timing, a very tired fake Danny wearing pyjamas and wrapped in a duvet appeared in the doorway Vlad had been leaning on, expression scowling and squinting as if he had just woken up and wasn’t used to the lights yet. As the audience lost it and broke into a large burst of laughter, Danny took the time to process all the information he had just gotten. Fake Jack had said he was home, fake Vlad had called him “dear”, and fake Danny looked like he had just woken up, as though he slept there. Danny’s eyes widened in realisation as he recalled the words of the song.

“Vlad, I don’t think it’s just a sitcom. It’s a sitcom where you’re with my dad.” Danny revealed, resisting the urge to gag at the notion. Several disgusted noises came from Vlad, showing he didn’t like the idea any more than Danny did. But then Vlad gasped.

“The song called you my son.” Vlad murmured, sounding surprisingly emotional at the thought. Danny couldn’t help but blanch at the idea. Vlad was so obsessed by the concept of taking Danny in it was unhealthy and to be blunt, creepy. Was this sitcom business some sort of twisted wish fulfilment?

“But what happened to mom?” He questioned.

“Exactly! I’d never choose this loaf over dear Maddie!” Vlad exclaimed, causing Danny to actually gag that time. The only thing worse than Vlad’s obsession with Danny was his obsession with his mom. Finally, the laughter died down again and the characters began to speak again.

“Ah, speaking of; sleeping beauty has finally risen. I had almost thought Nocturn had gotten to you.” Fake Vlad teased, earning a light chuckle from the invisible spectators. Fake Danny groaned and rolled his eyes before dragging his feet over to the closest chair at the dining table and dropping ungracefully into it.

“Get off my back, Vlad. I was up all night fighting Hotep RA again. Why anyone would try to avoid eternal sleep is beyond me.” Fake Danny complained, leaning on his propped up arm on the table and looking like he was about to fall asleep again.

“Oh Danno, I wish you had told us! We could have helped you!” Fake Jack lovingly chided, walking over to his son and patting him on the back. The audience ‘aww’ed at the sweet moment.

“Help? What would Mr Business Man over there do? Scam him into a pyramid scheme?” Fake Danny sarcastically asked, cocking an eyebrow and gesturing his thumb towards fake Vlad. As the man scowled, the audience let out a hearty laugh at the joke, and Danny couldn’t help but chuckle a little too.

“Laughing at your own jokes is so tacky, Daniel.” Vlad commented with disdain. Danny rolled his eyes dismissively.

“Hey, it’s not my joke. That dude is not me.” He rebutted.

“Now Danny, that’s not very nice to Vladdy. You and I both know he is a very powerful ghost. Just last night in bed he was able to –”

“Ugh, gross! Stop talking!” Both real and fake Danny interrupted, faces twisting with disgust and causing the “audience” to burst into uncontrolled laughter and hollering. He did not want to imagine anything that Vlad might do to his dad in bed. Eyes evading the scene in front of him, Danny turned and was surprised to see the real Vlad wear a wide-eyed look of shock rather than one of contempt.

“He… he knows what I am.” Vlad spoke softly, sounding more vulnerable than Danny had ever heard before. The reaction completely threw him off and made Danny think. Now that Vlad had mentioned it, he realised that the fake version of his dad hadn’t blinked at the idea of fake Danny fighting a ghost and seemed completely comfortable knowing about Vlad’s true nature. Did he know about Danny’s too?

“Darling, if you embarrass the boy any further he might die again.” Fake Vlad warned with a teasing lilt, now standing next to fake Jack and pinching his cheek with one hand while the other wrapped as far around the bulky man’s waist as he could casually reach. Half the audience cooed at the romantic touch, the other half chuckled at the joke. Danny could only gag and wince.

“Shouldn’t you be watching the stove?” Fake Danny asked, clearly trying to get the canoodling to stop. Fake Vlad chuckled and smirked, but stepped away from fake Jack.

“The heat’s off, Daniel. The burgers are already done.” He revealed, gesturing to the plates at the counter. Fake Danny leapt to his feet.

“Why didn’t you say so? I’m starving!” He exclaimed, rushing to the counter and grabbing a plate and digging into the burger before he’d even made it back to his seat. Fake Jack laughed and put an arm around Fake Vlad.

“I think you’re winning him over. After all, the fastest way to any boy’s heart is through his stomach.” He encouraged, winning more cooing from the audience. Danny scowled. How dare this sick fantasy make his dad root for Vlad tricking him into liking him!

“Speaking of winning people over, your ex-wife called about dinner tonight.” Fake Vlad commented, quickly taking Danny’s attention.

“You know you can just call her Maddie. She’s still our friend.” Fake Jack chided, making fake Vlad roll his eyes.

“You would think that; you’re the one she’s still nice to. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being the man who returned from the dead to steal her husband.” Fake Vlad replied bitterly. Fake Jack gave him a sympathetic look and gave his waist a little squeeze.

“Let’s just be glad that she doesn’t know that you literally came back from the dead. She’d never let Danny-boy stay with us!” Fake Jack commented, rustling fake Danny’s hair and he continued wolfing down the burger.

“Not to mention she’d try to kill him.” Fake Danny added through a mouthful of food, which got a chuckle from the audience. Beside him, Danny heard the real Vlad scoff.

“I- I’ve had enough of this nonsense! This drivel! Whoever is doing this, stop it! I don’t want to watch anymore!” Vlad yelled at the ceiling, clenching his fists as an angry expression disguised the distressed look in his eyes. Clearly the idea of his mother hating him and wanting to kill him really bothered him, and Danny couldn’t judge him for that.

Suddenly, the characters in front of them froze and the world went grey scale.

 ** _“But Vlad, why would we stop when the show’s only just begun?”_ **Echoed the disembodied voice from before with a fiendishly entertained tone, followed by maniacal laughter.

“That can’t be good.” Danny stated dryly.


	2. Nothing Kills a Show Like Too Much Exposition

The empty space between the halfas and the table wobbled and warped until a greyscale man appeared, accompanied by a cartoonish ‘pop' sound. He was dressed in slacks and an old-fashioned sweater with gelled, slightly coiffed hair. The whole look reminded Danny of the severely outdated “educational” videos from the Fifties that they still sometimes showed in class.

“Who are you? Why have you sent us here?” Danny asked, instinctively taking up a defensive fighting stance. Beside him, he heard Vlad growl deeply.

“Let me out this instant or I'll blast you so hard you'll never walk again!” The elder halfa threatened, summoning swirling flames to his fists menacingly. The ghost in front of them chuckled lightly, then regarded Vlad with hooded eyes.

“Is that a promise?” he asked lowly with a sultry tone, raising his eyebrows suggestively. By the time Danny understood the innuendo, Vlad had started stammering for words, stepping back from the ghost with wide eyes and a quickly growing blush.

“N-No! S-Stop that! You– Ugh!” He grunted, accented with a grumpy stomped foot and arms clamped to his sides. As the ghost laughed at Vlad’s reaction, Danny couldn’t have but giggle, which earned a glare from the man.

“As funny as it is to watch fruitloop here embarrass himself, could you please answer my questions?” Danny pressed again. Finally calming down, the ghost turned his attention to Danny with an uncomfortable expression.

“You keep calling him fruit loop. Is that new slang for flit?” The ghost asked hesitantly. Danny's brain went into hyper drive trying to remember where he’d heard that word and if he knew what it meant. After a second of concentrating he could hear Mr Lancer's voice in his head as he discussed “Catcher in the Rye", and his eyes widened in distress.

“No! I’m not calling him a slur for being gay, it’s just a play on words with the name of a cereal because he’s loopy with self-grandeur.” Danny frantically corrected. The ghost visibly relaxed and his expression returned to one of mischievous enjoyment.

“Oh, okay then. I'll happy answer any questions then. I am Static, the king of Dead Air! I've brought the two of you here because as you were arguing with each other in the living world, I heard your wishes and was thoroughly amused by how your wants and needs both align and contradict each other at the same time! When I saw that if you got what you needed that you would hate it, I just couldn’t resist myself. I had to make you see it, and I gotta say it’s award-winning entertainment so far!” Static explained, grinning and clapping with excited glee.

“So your powers are like Desiree's? Only we didn’t need to say “I wish" for you to do your little monkey's paw scenario?” Danny questioned thoughtfully. This guy was a major problem if he could just zap people into some sort of television plane whenever without needing any “magic words". Danny caught Vlad regarding him with a bewildered look.

“Are you sure you’re Daniel? You’ve understood two classic references in a row now.” Danny rolled his eyes at the inquiry.

“I pay attention in class when I'm there and awake. I'm not failing on purpose, y'know.” Danny retorted, crossing his arms defensively.

“And it’s not for being dumb, either! You’ve been catching on faster than this wet rag so far.” Static quipped, jabbing a thumb at Vlad in an over-acting manner.

“He has not, I just fail to see how any of this madness has anything to do with my desires! I should be with Maddie, not this bumbling idiot!” He huffed with irritation.

“As gross as he is, Vlad kind of has a point. I don’t really understand how what we apparently wish for has created this scenario either.” Danny admitted, trying to maintain the not fighting energy that Vlad seems to continuously try to shut down. Punching the problem is usually a pretty simple and easy tactic, but it didn’t seem like it would pan out too well in a dimension controlled by the problem. Static began tutting and wagging his index finger.

“Nuh-uh! I'm not going to give that away. You see, in order for you to be able to leave, you’re going to have to understand why you’re here in the first place. Obviously, it would be far to easy to just tell you the answer right away!” The ghost explained, or rather didn’t explain. Danny groaned, dragging his hands down his face. Why can it never just be easy?

“This is ridiculous! Just let us leave!” Vlad growled. Static only gave him a quirked eyebrow and a judgemental stare that said “do you really think that would do anything?”.

“Ugh, okay fine. Can you at least explain how these versions of us came to this point? Like, what happened to get them here?” Danny pressed him, hoping that context would help him figure it out faster. Static's expression shifted to energetic glee.

“Ooh! I love it when shows do flashbacks to the origin story! Let’s go!” He cheered, before he quickly vanished.

The scene in front of them shifted and glitched, transforming until they were in a different place. Looking around, Danny recognized the room as place his parents' class reunion happened. In front of them he saw fake versions of his mom and dad dancing together. They looked like they were having fun until the fake Jack suddenly froze. Danny whipped around to see that fake Vlad was standing there, locking eyes with Jack while wearing an angry, hurt expression. Danny jumped as the audience ‘ooh'ed at the tension, having forgotten about that feature in this world.

“Vladdy?” Fake Jack called, voice sounding cautious but hopeful.

“Fenton.” Fake Vlad responded coldly. There was a dramatic gasp from the audience as the men held their tension-filled eye contact. The silence between them was broken when fake Jack let out an emotional sob.

“Oh god, it’s really you! You’re alive!” He cried out, running past fake Maddie and thumping into fake Vlad with a heavy embrace. Large hands curled into fake Vlad’s back as fake Jack buried his face into his neck. The glare on fake Vlad’s face had dropped to a look of confused shock, before slipping back into anger.

“Of course I’m alive! If you’d have visited me you would have known that!” He snarled, attempting to pull himself away from fake Jack, who wasn’t letting the man leave his grip.

“They wouldn’t let me see you! They said the amount of radiation coming off of you was too dangerous to let anyone near, that they didn’t expect you to live! So when my ring died…” Fake Jack explained with tears in his eyes, letting go of fake Vlad with one hand to reach into his own shirt and tug out a chain with a dull, black ring secured to it.

“What’s the deal with the ring?” Danny asked, looking around to try to find Static. The ghost popped back into visibility and grinned at the question, before snapping his fingers and causing the scene around them to pause.

“In this universe, Vlad was never obsessed with Maddie, so he was more receptive to Jack’s feelings for him –”

“WHAT?” Both Danny and Vlad exclaimed from intense shock. Static narrowed his eyes at Vlad with an expression of disbelief.

“Wow, this ran deeper than I thought. You are so tunnel-visioned that you couldn’t even tell he had a crush on you?” All the ghost got for an answer from the elder Halfa was bewildered blinking. Rolling his eyes, Static continued.

“Anyway, in your world, Jack took the hint that Vlad wasn’t interested and moved on, but that wasn’t necessary here. Between Vlad’s doting nature and Jack’s loud and proud affirmations, the pair fell quickly in love.” Static explained, pausing to let Vlad scoff with disgust.

“Can you get to the point where you answer Daniel’s question about the ring?” Vlad pressed, resulting in Static putting his hands up in a defensive manner.

“I was literally about to get to that part! Because this Vlad was deeply in love, he developed rings that glowed and pulsed along with a person’s life energy, no matter how far away from them it was. He gave the ring with his own life energy to Jack, and kept the one with Jack’s energy for himself, so that even if they were separated, they’d still be connected.” The ghost revealed with a dreamy look in his eyes. Danny fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, not wanting to admit out loud what a sweet idea that was, especially in front of Vlad. Instead, he chose to turn his focus to the blackened ring the frozen, fake Jack was holding.

“When Vlad half died it must have cut off the signal to the ring!” Danny gasped in realisation. Static finger-gunned at Danny with a wink and a grin.

“The kid’s got it! Okay, question answered! Time to keep going!” He announced, before snapping once again to bring the scene back to life.

The fake Vlad looked at the ring and his eyes widened, before becoming shiny with emotion.

“Y-You kept it… even when you thought I was dead?” Fake Vlad said with a soft vulnerability. Fake Jack let out a short laugh before looking into fake Vlad’s eyes with a tear-filled smile.

“Did you really think I’d ever get over losing you?” Fake Jack questioned. With that, Fake Vlad’s entire demeanour melted into an enamoured expression, before pulling fake Jack in and kissing him wholeheartedly. Right when Danny was about to proclaim his disgust, he heard his own voice come from somewhere else.

“What the hell? Get off my dad, you weirdo!” The audience ‘ooh’d dramatically as fake Danny burst between the two men and pushed them apart. With a sigh, Static froze the scene in front of them.

“Okay, the fun part is over. Let’s go back to the current episode.” He announced.

“What? But that didn’t explain anything!” Danny complained. Static rolled his eyes and regarded Danny with a sassy expression.

“Jeez, if I showed you any more you would have complained about too much exposition! I can’t win with you people!” Before Danny could retort back, Static once again vanished, the world shifting and glitching again until they were back in the kitchen scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear any thoughts and opinions anyone has so far of the story!
> 
> It will probably be big gaps of time between updates because of my schedule, but I'll keep chipping away!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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